Relational Trauma Counselling

Here are the five core principles for supporting relational trauma:

Healing follows your pace

Healing doesn’t mean we jump into the most painful memories without a safety net. We start with building enough stabilization that looking at what happened doesn’t overwhelm you, using grounding tools and somatic practices. We also explore your concerns and fears. The parts of you that hold anger, feel anxious or unsafe, maybe even shut down, are welcome. We don’t tell them to just “feel safe” but collaborate with them in order to increase safety. You learn to recognize trauma responses, and we’ll find practices to work with them. When you feel ready and stable enough, we process the betrayal and the pain that may still be in your body.

Context matters

Many people feel like they’ve changed and notice behaviours in themselves they don’t like. Emotions they had to wall off for years can suddenly flood back. That can feel scary; it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Those were adaptive skills that helped you survive. In our work together, all of these parts are welcome, even the ones you dislike.

Throughout, we explore the sore spots within you that the abuser used to control. This isn’t about blaming you; the abuser is still responsible for their behaviour. It’s about prevention so you can recognize these patterns sooner and protect yourself earlier in the future.

I’ll acknowledge abusive and toxic dynamics directly, so you have clarity and can recognize that pattern in future relationships, and I offer psychoeducation on what healthier dynamics can look like. Many of my clients tell me it helps to have these dynamics named clearly. It brings a kind of clarity that’s hard to reach on one’s own, especially when you’ve been gaslit or told you’re overreacting. Together, we untangle what was theirs to carry and what’s actually yours, since that line is often hard to see when you’re the one who lived it.

Recovery is not a straight line

Recovery is like peeling an onion. We start with where you are and what you notice. If we encounter a setback, we get curious about it because it tells us about a new layer.

While we work with a past adult relationship, we may encounter past unresolved experiences that are still lingering in your system. Most commonly, this can happen if we explore sore spots. We respect this new information and integrate it into the approach to healing if you want to.

Recovery addresses the multidimensions of trauma

Relational harm affects more than just our mind. It leaves a mark on our nervous system, our emotional landscape, and our relationships: with ourselves, others and the world. Recovery needs to address all aspects, not just one. One modality is often not enough to address all of these dimensions. My approach draws from different modalities in order to provide the necessary flexibility to heal the impact.

Healing needs a healthy relationship

Our therapeutic relationship matters to me. It’s the container that supports your healing, and it lets you unlearn what relational trauma may have taught you about relationships. If parts of you don’t trust me, that makes sense. I don’t need them to change; I want to understand what they have to say. And if we have a conflict — yes, this can happen in therapeutic relationships, as in any other — I stay present, hear your position, and respect it. I repair if I’ve made a mistake.

Over time, many clients notice they trust their own judgment more, set boundaries that hold, feel less reactive in relationships, and find that specific memories have lost their charge.

If you’d like to understand more about how this model works and whether it might be the right fit for you, read: Trauma Counselling: How I Practice and What You Can Expect or IFS or EMDR for trauma recovery: Why I use both.