Parts Work For Trauma Recovery: How it can Help you Heal

Parts work often begins with noticing that different parts of us want different things. Early in my recovery, I dated someone new. I knew them from work. My horse part wanted to have sex with the hope that it would be a relationship. So I did. My snail part, however, wasn’t ready for that much emotional connection. It hadn’t agreed to entering a relationship. It disappeared, only to reappear after the relationship ended. 

Afterward, my coach asked, “What if the horse would be able to walk behind the snail?” I realized I had to care for all my parts, not let one lead while the others disappeared. Both had something to tell me about what I wanted and what I was ready for.

That’s what parts work is about: recognizing the different needs, feelings, and protective responses within us, and learning how to relate to them without letting any one part take over.

What is parts work therapy?

Parts work means seeing these patterns as parts of you, not all of you. It’s one way to heal relational injuries and past trauma. With my clients, I don’t work with a template. We identify their parts together.

Some clients have taken on a strong peacemaker role in their family of origin, but now it prevents them from setting boundaries; others became the scapegoat and want to break free. Some clients have a strong caregiver part that leads to burnout, or parts that don’t trust anybody, which causes trouble in their relationships.

Parts aren’t only symptoms or limitations. Some parts carry what you learned from painful experiences. That’s wisdom. Trauma survivors often forget this. I work with my clients so that they can see it too. Some people were creative as children and lost it. Many of my clients revive creative activities they loved as a child, whether it’s drawing or dancing.

Why trauma makes parts feel louder

For me, parts work and relational injury go hand in hand.

When people we depended on, or loved deeply, hurt us, we had to adapt. This allowed us to survive. Childhood abuse, neglect, domestic violence or other forms of relational trauma can leave us with reactions that made sense under these circumstances but cause problems later.

These adaptations are still stigmatized. Survivors may be told that they are broken or their adaptations are wrong. That can include self-injury, addictive behaviours, withdrawing from everyone, or struggling to trust people.

That’s shame on top of the hurt. You aren’t responsible for social stigma attached to the adaptive responses that helped you survive.

Children are still developing and aren’t prepared to deal with prolonged violence, abuse or neglect. Most adults aren’t prepared for prolonged situations of violence either.

Trauma-related experiences can continue to affect us today. When something in the present resembles a past experience, it may activate emotions, body sensations, or memories associated with it. A reaction that would be a 3 out of 10 becomes a 10. Many people describe this as being triggered. In my work, I may understand this as an activated part.

Sometimes, the reaction is difficult to connect to a specific event. You may experience intense feelings or body sensations without knowing exactly where they come from. This can make it difficult to distinguish what is happening in the present from what an earlier experience brings up. Read more: What is trauma?

Parts work for relational wounds as an adult

Some clients who have left an abusive relationship suddenly feel tremendous, unmanageable anger when connecting with their ex-partner. Others feel numb and disconnected. Others share they don’t feel like themselves anymore.

In our work, we see these patterns as part of them and work with them. We also explore the sore spots the other person has used to exploit or manipulate them. Recognizing these patterns can help clients identify warning signs, strengthen their boundaries, and protect themselves from further harm.

Many clients experience activated parts when dating again: some have parts that fear getting hurt again, and others don’t trust the new partner. We work with the reactions that arise, helping clients process what happened while also distinguishing the past from the present. With time, clients trust themselves again. Their boundaries become better. Read more: IFS and EMDR for Trauma Recovery.

Parts work to heal childhood trauma

Childhood abuse and neglect can affect how we come to understand ourselves and relate to others. When early relationships were unsafe, conditional, or emotionally neglectful, a child needs to adapt. It often creates parts with low self-worth, a belief that it was all their fault, or a fear of setting boundaries.

Some clients want connection so badly that they lose their boundaries and abandon themselves. Others pull away as soon as the first conflict arises. Some struggle with a harsh inner critic that tells them they aren’t good enough. These patterns can affect relationships with partners, friends, and other people in their lives.

In parts work, we explore these patterns without treating them as the person’s identity. We work together to help clients recognize what happens when these parts become activated and develop more choice in how they respond. This usually includes building a relationship with their adult self: a presence that can recognize their needs, respond with care, and act with greater agency. So parts connect with the adult self and don’t take over in present relationships.

In IFS, this is often called the Self or Self-energy: a calm, curious, compassionate presence that can relate to parts rather than being taken over by them.

I agree with some of this, but I do not find this definition complete. For abuse survivors, healthy boundaries and assertiveness are also essential. Many survivors have learned to be overly compassionate and understanding—often at their own expense. A calm presence is not the same as being passive, accommodating, or endlessly understanding. Sometimes the most adult response is a clear, firm: “No. That is not okay with me.” Self-compassion can also be triggering for survivors of relational trauma. In our work, I often start with non-judgment instead.

In our work together, I include assertiveness and boundaries as part of accessing your adult self—not as a departure from it. Read more: Parts Work for Adults with Childhood Trauma.

Parts work for complex trauma

After complex trauma, responses can be layered and change quickly. Clients experience more conflicting parts with opposing needs or perspectives. Some parts want connection, while others brace for rejection or danger. Some clients don’t trust anybody.

These responses can be difficult to reconcile. A person may understand intellectually that they are safe while still experiencing intense fear, shame, or distrust. Other parts of their experience may involve depression, anxiety, disordered eating, or withdrawing from others.

In our work, we explore these different responses and how they interact. Rather than expecting everything to change at once, we look for small improvements, perhaps feeling 5 or 10% more able to manage a situation at first.

Complex trauma doesn’t always originate in childhood, and not everyone who experienced childhood trauma experiences the same degree of inner fragmentation.

You know your experience better than I do.

Read more: IFS or EMDR for Complex Trauma.

Inner fragmentation

Sometimes, we experience ourselves very differently depending on the situation. In my own recovery, I noticed that I was usually independent and assertive in friendships. Still, in romantic relationships, I became quiet, feared conflict, and was more likely to abandon myself. I could recognize these differences, but it was difficult to understand why I responded so differently.

Inner fragmentation refers to splitting into rational carry-on parts and emotional parts that carry the wound of trauma. It exists on a spectrum. Each client has a slightly different variation. I don’t use it as a mental health diagnosis. I also don’t diagnose my clients.

When I provide psychoeducation about concepts, I don’t impose the theory onto the client. We explore together what elements of the concept make sense for the client. It’s an opportunity to increase self-awareness. Some clients feel deeply seen: Suddenly, the deep fear of abandonment isn’t a defect anymore. They understand this was their brain’s way of helping them survive. They can see why parts work matters for healing.

Each client experiences inner fragmentation a little differently. None of these parts is broken. They adapted. Read more: Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adults.

What does parts work look like in practice?

Get some distance from overwhelm.

In my collaboration with clients, we see trauma-related symptoms as something a part of them is experiencing, rather than something that defines all of them.

Instead of saying “I am depressed” or “I am overwhelmed”, we might say, “A part of me feels depressed” or “a part of me is overwhelmed.” With practice, people often have more choice in what happens.

If an activated part shows up, as it often does in this work, we first need to reduce the emotional intensity enough for the adult self to return. This practice depends on what is happening in the body: Do they feel overwhelmed? Do they feel shut down?

When a part takes over, the first step is getting back to the present.

With some clients who feel overwhelmed, I often practice the hand-on-heart and sighing practice: We sit together, put a hand on our heart, and start sighing. I invite my clients to silently say: “I am here for you. I see that you are overwhelmed.” Then we orient more in the room with their senses: What do they see? What do they hear? What do they smell? If clients feel uncomfortable doing it in front of me, I respect this boundary. When activation is high, I sometimes find this more useful than simply telling someone to breathe.

If a client feels shut down, I invite them to connect with their spine, feel the different vertebrae, and lengthen it a bit. And notice their spine.

The goal isn’t to force the part to disappear. It’s to get back to the adult. Initially, this may be 5% more access to the adult. Over time, this can increase, and it can be quicker to get out of it.

Gaining more access to the adult self

If a client has enough capacity to face a part in the present, I guide the client to talk with the part: What does the part want to say? What is it afraid of? How old is it? What wound is it carrying?  

How we do this depends on the part. Sometimes we work with the part while it is felt in the body. Sometimes I ask clients to place it somewhere in the room. For intense parts, externalizing can help to reduce the intensity. I usually ask clients what they prefer.

I invite clients to talk with the part, understand it better, or negotiate what it needs so it doesn’t have to take over. This process takes time. Parts don’t always trust clients initially. That’s fair. They never had a trustworthy adult in their childhood. Trust builds over time, when the adult self shows up consistently.

For parts that hold a lot of anger, we may need more distance. The part might be in another room, behind plexiglass, or on a movie screen.

The point isn’t to get rid of the part. It’s to be able to look at it. This is often the beginning of a relationship between the adult self and a part that has been carrying something for a long time. I often tell my clients to see it as a relationship with a friend or someone you don’t know. It depends on the stage of the relationship.

That can take time. Protective parts often need to know the adult self will actually listen before they are willing to step back.

Working with wounded parts

I don’t move directly into traumatic memories just because a client can identify a wounded part.

Protective parts need to be heard first. The client also needs enough capacity to be with the wounded material without becoming overwhelmed. Sometimes I use parts work for this, but I also integrate somatic practices to build this capacity.

When the client is ready, I often integrate EMDR to work with wounded parts. Parts work can also be used without EMDR.

The process differs for every client, but the adult self remains present as the client witnesses what the part carries and listens to what it expresses. If it disappears, we regulate first, then explore why the activated part showed up.

If this way of working resonates with you, you can book a free consultation to explore whether parts work would be a good fit.

How parts work fits into trauma recovery

I integrate parts work across different stages of trauma recovery.

During stabilization, we identify parts, learn how to recognize activated parts, find ways to reduce activation, and begin building a relationship with protective parts.

During processing, if the client has enough capacity and protective parts no longer block access to the material, we can work with wounded parts. Sometimes I integrate EMDR at this stage. As wounds heal, protective parts can take on new roles. The system doesn’t have to keep responding in the same way it did when the trauma was happening.

During reconnection, the parts’ intensity has usually decreased. Parts work can continue, but it becomes less about managing overwhelming reactions and more about understanding yourself and how you want to live.

Being healed doesn’t mean you’ll never use parts work again, though you can. I still use parts work for everyday challenges in my own life. I talk to my angry part and understand its needs. I may set a boundary when that’s what I need. I debrief a difficult situation with myself and ask my parts, “Who’s there? What do you want to tell me?”

Who parts work may help

Parts work can be especially useful when trauma shows up as inner conflict, protective patterns, or reactions that feel larger than the present situation.

I use parts work as part of the Integrative Trauma Recovery Model™, not as a stand-alone approach. For complex trauma, I do not recommend relying on a single modality. Depending on your needs, parts work may be integrated with somatic practices, EMDR, and other approaches that support stabilization, processing, and reconnection.

I use parts work with clients who have experienced relational injuries, including childhood abuse, neglect, relational trauma, complex trauma, and bullying.

Parts work may be helpful if you:

• Notice patterns in relationships you don’t want to repeat
• Feel confident in some areas of your life but become overwhelmed, numb, avoidant or “not like yourself” in romantic relationships or conflict
• Struggle with boundaries, self-trust, shame, people-pleasing, or a harsh inner critic
• Feel flooded by anger, fear, or sadness—or shut down and disconnected
• Have tried talk therapy but still feel stuck in the same patterns
• Have experienced childhood abuse, neglect, domestic violence, bullying, or other relational trauma

Parts work can also be useful after a single traumatic incident or a small number of traumatic experiences. In those cases, though, EMDR is often faster.

When parts work may not be the best fit

Parts work isn’t the right approach for everyone. It may not be the best starting point if you need immediate crisis stabilization, more grounding because you are currently in a fragile state, safety planning, or more structured symptom-focused support. While this is outside my scope of practice, parts work may also not be appropriate for someone experiencing psychosis or active paranoia.

The important thing is finding an approach that helps you get better, not fitting yourself into a particular model.

If you want to explore whether parts work could help, you can book a free consultation.

Book a free consultation online

I offer online trauma recovery services for individuals in Alberta, Canada and internationally. Explore my trauma recovery services and trauma counselling online.

Sources