Introduction: Welcome to Trauma Demystified
Welcome to Trauma Demystified, a podcast by Bright Horizon Therapies. I’m Natalie Jovanic and I am your host on this journey. In this episode, I’ll be diving into the captivating world of emotions and our nervous system, drawing not only from my extensive experience as a trauma counselor and coach, but also from my own healing journey from trauma.
Get ready because today’s episode—understanding the window of tolerance and rebalancing our dysregulated nervous system—is going to give you new insights. We are going to explore the window of tolerance and uncover how trauma leaves its mark on our nervous system. But that’s not all. I’ll also equip you with some practical tools that will help you widen your window of tolerance. I hope that these techniques will empower you to conquer the challenges of your emotional world like a true champion.
Before I jump into the content, I want to give you some context on why I want to talk about it today. A dysregulated nervous system is one of the symptoms of trauma – whether it’s childhood trauma in adulthood, complex trauma or single-incident trauma, and I’ve made it my mission to give my clients an understanding of the window of tolerance at the beginning of our collaboration. Most of my clients find this knowledge helpful to understand their responses better and regain control over the often upsetting symptoms of a dysregulated nervous system.
Since I don’t know you, and since this is a podcast, I want to make sure that you have some strategies to navigate emotions before moving forward with Trauma Demystified. I hope that this episode helps you comprehend your nervous system better and provides you with some strategies to navigate the stormy seas of your emotions. So, let’s embark on this journey of healing and empowerment.
Understanding the Window of Tolerance: Core concepts
So, what is this window of tolerance? Two different concepts explain how our nervous systems work: polyvagal theory and the window of tolerance. While they are similar, they have different flavours.
I use the window of tolerance to help my clients understand and manage their emotional states. Polyvagal theory helps us understand the broader functioning of our autonomic nervous system and its impact on social interactions and relationships. I find that both concepts can complement each other when it comes to recovery from trauma. Personally, I had valuable insights from both of them. While we focus on the window of tolerance in this episode, I’ll explain polyvagal theory in a later episode.
So, let’s explore the window of tolerance. Dan Siegel introduced the concept of the window of tolerance in 1999 and described three different states of arousal. It is usually depicted as a graphic with the area of the window of tolerance in the middle, hypoarousal below it, and hyperarousal above it.
In this concept, the window of tolerance describes a zone of optimal arousal. So what does optimal arousal mean? It means that when we are in our window of tolerance, we can effectively manage and cope with our emotions even if they are intense. This relates to both positive or pleasant emotions and unpleasant emotions. Whether it is happiness or whether it’s guilt or shame or anger, if we are in our window of tolerance, we can manage them and we can be with them.
Additionally, we have access to conscious choice and reason if we are in our window of tolerance. Therefore, we have a sense of control even if we feel stressed. Overall, if we are in the window of tolerance, we can effectively deal with and cope with our emotions and with stress.
It is important to understand that the window of tolerance is flexible and not set in stone. Depending on what happened to us or what is happening to us, the window of tolerance can change. We can also choose to actively work towards expanding it.
Hyperarousal: When your nervous system is overactivated
So now let’s look at what happens if we are outside of our window of tolerance. As stated before, if we move outside of the window of tolerance, we are either in hyper- or hypoarousal. I’ll start with hyperarousal, which means we have moved outside the upper boundary of our window of tolerance.
Hyperarousal is related to the fight or flight response, and it usually means that our nervous system is highly activated. If we are in hyperarousal, we may experience heightened anxiety. We may have flashbacks. We may feel anger or rage, or we feel very on edge. We may have higher impulsivity. Some people may have a tendency toward self-injury or suicidality. Some people may have really tight muscles. Some people may feel overwhelmed or feel like they are out of control.
If we are in hyperarousal, our prefrontal cortex usually shuts down. This means our executive functioning isn’t working as if we were in the window of tolerance.
I have noticed that people sometimes blame themselves because we may see behaviours in ourselves that we don’t like when we are in hyperarousal. For example, we may experience uncontrollable outbursts of anger. Please note that these responses are automatic responses and not within our conscious choice. They are also often adaptive coping mechanisms to traumatic experiences of the past.
While it is really uncomfortable if these behaviors show up, I often invite my clients to see them as an opportunity to grow and heal. They often show up because underneath them are wounded parts of us that have not yet been healed. While we cannot control what happened to us, we are responsible for our own healing, and we are also responsible for developing healthy behaviours as soon as we recognize elements that we don’t like.
Just to give you an example: I used to injure myself when I was under extreme stress in a relationship, and I often felt ashamed of this behaviour. The behaviour was directly related to unresolved childhood trauma as an adult. So while I wasn’t responsible for what had happened to me in my childhood, I still was responsible to learn healthier coping skills so that I wouldn’t harm myself.
When I started my healing journey and I really learned new tools of coping, I learned to set healthy boundaries and I also healed the wounds underneath it. This really allowed me to move past this behavior so it didn’t show up anymore. So overall, I would invite you to see it as a journey of growth and healing even if you see things within yourself that you don’t like.
Hypoarousal: The shutdown response
So now that we’ve touched on hyperarousal, let’s look at hypoarousal. Hypoarousal happens if we cross the lower boundary of the window of tolerance. Hypoarousal can also be seen as a shutdown response and it is usually connected with the freeze and fawn response.
Symptoms of hypoarousal are that we feel depressed or we feel numb. We may be unable to speak, or we may feel very low in thinking. We may not be able to connect with our emotions. We may feel dissociated or shut down and we may also feel ashamed and hopeless. Sometimes we may lack the capacity to set a boundary, or we may really experience paralysis.
As with hyperarousal, it is an automatic response of our nervous system. Overall, hypo- and hyperarousal are natural responses of our nervous system in the moment of a threat. In a way, it is a way how our nervous system wants to take care of us.
We may go into hyper- or hypoarousal due to various reasons. Many of them are necessary for our survival. Examples of these are induced coma, or if we run very fast, or if we need to escape a real threat in the moment. Ideally, after these experiences, we are able to get back into our window of tolerance when the experience is over.
However, if the nervous system remains persistently overactive or underactive, it can lead to the emergence of symptoms of trauma. If we have experienced trauma, we may also go into hypo- and hyperarousal if we touch on implicit or explicit memories of trauma. This means that part of us gets triggered, and we may feel as if we are in danger right now, or we may really be stuck in one of these different states.
For example, in my 20s, I was mostly stuck in hypoarousal because it was my coping mechanism as a child. In my own recovery, my counsellors never explained to me the window of tolerance nor gave me any tools to work with it. Looking back, I believe that it made my healing journey more complicated than necessary.
Just to give you an example, as detailed in my memoir, A Brave True Story, I made the difficult decision to sever ties with my abusive father. Despite this, he persisted in stalking me. With assistance from the police, I managed to secure an address to protect the place where I lived. After several moves, I finally began to feel a sense of safety in my apartment.
However, one night, the doorbell rang, and initially, I assumed it was a mailman, so I allowed the visitor inside the building. Suddenly, a really deep intuition struck me. Somehow, my father had found me. In a panic, I swiftly closed the door and I cautiously peered through the peephole, confirming my worst fears as I saw him standing in front of my door.
This encounter severely dysregulated my nervous system, pushing me outside of my window of tolerance into a state of hyperarousal that lasted for more than a week. The therapist I was seeing at this time never acknowledged it or gave me any tools to work with it. Nowadays, I would utilize grounding techniques to cope with such situations, but back then, I did not have the knowledge about these strategies.
I first learned about the window of tolerance in my training to become a counsellor. Overall, my own experience taught me how important it is that we understand our autonomic nervous system and also that we have tools and techniques to go back into our window of tolerance.
Factors that influence our window of tolerance
So what’s the takeaway from this section? The concept of the window of tolerance serves us as a valuable foundation in guiding the recovery process. It helps us comprehend our emotional states. This self-awareness allows us to find strategies to both return to and expand our window of tolerance.
Notably, I’ve observed that it gives my clients a sense of control and enhances their understanding of how their autonomic nervous system works. I make it a point to introduce the concept early in the therapeutic journey and consistently check in with my clients during our sessions to assess where they are in the window of tolerance.
When clients find themselves in a state of hypo- or hyperarousal, we work with strategies to guide them back into the window of tolerance. While it is beneficial to understand the concept of the window of tolerance, the true impact lies in its practical application in your life.
Therefore, I invite you to cultivate a genuine interest in understanding the current state of your nervous system. I suggest that you start asking yourself what states of your nervous system you recognize. This active engagement with self-awareness can significantly enhance your healing journey.
Childhood experiences and nervous system development
So now let’s look at what influences our window of tolerance. First of all, the development of our window of tolerance is influenced by our childhood experiences. When we are born, we have a very tiny window of tolerance and we need the support from adults to manage our emotions.
Under ideal circumstances, our window of tolerance expands when we grow up so that we can tolerate intense emotions like depression, anxiety or stress. This means we can manage either very low activation or very high activation. However, this requires an environment that nurtures the expansion of our window of tolerance.
First of all, we need to have good attachments to our caregivers as children. This means that there is an adult who is there for us, who hugs us, who reassures us if we feel upset or lonely or depressed. They validate our experiences, and maybe they make us laugh when it’s really difficult. Overall, the caregiver supports us in going back into the window of tolerance.
As a summary, we learn the capacity to soothe ourselves and regulate our nervous system from our caregivers. Over time, our nervous system learns that it can be in high or low arousal and get back to the window of tolerance, just like a muscle.
While some people may have been lucky enough to experience this in their childhood, many of us haven’t grown up in this ideal world – about 80% to 95% of folks grow up in dysfunctional homes. Therefore, it’s also useful to look at experiences that may not allow us to widen our window of tolerance as children.
So what are these experiences? First of all, one of them is if we lack secure attachment with a caregiver. Another one is if we experience childhood trauma or were exposed to adverse childhood experiences, the so-called ACEs. This includes experiences like physical, mental, emotional or sexual abuse, physical and emotional neglect, or household dysfunction.
Household dysfunction can have different areas like mental illness, death, divorce, addiction, if a parent is in prison, or if one parent is physically abusing.
Just as I look at my own life, abuse was present, and also my mother had a chronic illness, my parents went through a divorce, and there was a lot of fighting after the divorce. My father and stepfather were frightening, and my mother was constantly frightened. So I had many of these so-called ACEs that influenced my childhood experiences, and that also led to the fact that I was in hypoarousal when I was an adult.
As I said before, children shouldn’t have to go through these experiences, but we also need to be realistic that they are common in today’s society. While we cannot control what happened to us in our childhood, we can make the choice to learn these skills as adults to improve our own well-being.
Adult experiences that may narrow your window of tolerance
Apart from our childhood, we can also have experiences that may narrow our window of tolerance as adults. One of them is if we are exposed to chronic stress. This can include financial stress, dysfunctional adult relationships, or high-stress workplaces. So there are various factors that may lead to chronic stress.
Another area that can narrow our window of tolerance is if we are exposed to experiences of racism, discrimination and marginalization. Additionally, our window of tolerance can decrease if we are in an environment where our emotions are dismissed. So these are all factors that influence our nervous system over time.
On a slightly different note, there are also temporary factors like sleep deprivation, exhaustion, hunger, or a work deadline that can narrow our window of tolerance briefly. Like for me, I know when I’m hungry, I’m outside of my window of tolerance, and I need to be really mindful that I take care of myself so that I don’t put my anger onto other people or that I don’t get angry with other people.
I also notice that my stress level is really high if I notice that I snap at my cat who is very demanding. But usually if I’m in my window of tolerance, it doesn’t affect me.
We all respond uniquely, and the impact of a narrowed window of tolerance can be different from person to person. We may also experience it very differently, so I would really invite you to be curious about your own experience because nobody can tell you what happens inside of you.
Some people may frequently be in hyperarousal, others may go into hypoarousal, and some people may switch between chronic hypo- and hyperarousal. Sometimes it can really feel as if we are stuck in one of these states. Please note that these are adaptive responses to painful experiences, and it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. It just means that it’s something we need to take care of and we need to work on expanding.
Conclusion Window of Tolerance
As a conclusion, the development of the window of tolerance—which refers to our ability to manage intense emotions—is heavily influenced by our childhood experiences. Our capacity to self-soothe and regulate our nervous system is learned through these early caregiving experiences, similar to how a muscle strengthens with use.
Unfortunately, not everyone experiences an ideal upbringing and we may have a narrow window of tolerance. Although we cannot change our past, we can learn these skills as adults. Furthermore, adult life experiences can narrow our window of tolerance, particularly chronic stress, experiences of racism and discrimination, and environments that dismiss our emotions.
We all respond individually different to these difficult experiences. Some people may frequently experience hyperarousal, while others fall into hypoarousal, and some people may switch between chronic hypo- and hyperarousal.
The window of tolerance in trauma recovery
So now what do we do with all of this knowledge? Let’s explore the power of the window of tolerance in recovery from trauma.
First of all, I think it’s important to know that if you recover from trauma, it doesn’t mean that you need to immediately plunge into revisiting traumatic experiences. One of the initial steps involves widening our window of tolerance and acquiring the tools to return to it when needed. It’s crucial to develop this capacity to identify the state of our nervous system and possess strategies to return to it. Therefore, self-assessment is the first step in understanding our own window of tolerance. This is really a journey of self-discovery.
Just to give you an example of how the window of tolerance impacts recovery and how it can be used: As a professional, I use Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) to support clients in integrating traumatic experiences. EMDR is a widely recognized method for trauma recovery.
However, EMDR necessitates that clients remain within the window of tolerance while addressing past traumas. If we find ourselves in a state of hyper- or hypoarousal, healing these experiences becomes challenging. Hence, it is imperative to develop the ability to recognize our emotional states and return to our window of tolerance before digging deeper into working with our trauma.
While we may not have direct control over the width of our window of tolerance—since this is influenced by our past experiences and other factors—we can work towards expanding it. In general, the broader our window of tolerance is, the more resilient we become. Overall, working towards expanding our window of tolerance supports us in being equipped to better navigate life’s challenges and improve our well-being.
Personally, I really like a quote from Babette Rothschild that says, “The first goal of trauma recovery should and must be to improve your quality of life on a daily basis.” I see working with the window of tolerance as an important step for this goal.
Practical strategies for hyperarousal: Calming your nervous system
So now let’s see what strategies we can use to widen our window of tolerance. Just before I jump into the strategies, please know that you can ask me for a sheet with these exercises. If you’re interested in receiving them, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me by sending a message to nat@brighthorizontherapies.com.
The initial step in broadening our window of tolerance is cultivating self-awareness to discern whether we are operating within its boundaries or experiencing hypo- or hyperarousal. I encourage you to really nurture a sense of curiosity about your emotional state. Simply check in with yourself without judgment. I like to ask myself a question like, “I wonder what state I’m in right now?” And then just notice what’s there.
Based on what state you’re in, you can experiment with different strategies. Some strategies work better for hypoarousal, others may work better for hyperarousal, and it may also be individually different.
Let’s start with strategies for hyperarousal.
If you are in hyperarousal, you’re likely to notice agitation, acceleration, or anxiety. The goal for this state is really to find strategies that soothe and calm your nervous system.
Strategy 1: Breathwork
The simplest method to return to your window of tolerance is to focus on your breathing and just pay attention to your breath. When you notice that you’re in hyperarousal, what you can do is just bring awareness to your breath and really observe how it enters and exits your body. If you want to, you may just put your hand on your chest or on your belly and just notice your hand there and then focus on your breath.
Initially, just be mindful of your breath without attempting to modify it. Merely notice it as it is. Notice how it enters your nose and how it exits your nose. Typically during hyperarousal, the breath tends to be more shallow or more rapid.
After a few breaths, you can experiment with directing your breath more towards your belly and observe the effect it has on you. Then just play around with your breath until you notice that your state of hyperarousal has reduced.
While breathing is very effective, it may take some practice if you are at a really high level of activation.
Strategy 2: 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding exercise
So what can you do if you’re at a high level of activation? One of the grounding tools I like to use is the so-called 5-4-3-2-1 grounding. Here’s how you can practice it:
Before you start with the grounding, just check in with yourself: how intense is your emotion on a scale from 0 to 10? For example, I may just ask myself, “What is my emotional intensity?” And then maybe right now it’s a 4.
Then you start with the questions:
- What are five things you can see? Then you just label what you see. For example, I see a plant, I see a shelf, I see my computer, I see my microphone, and I see my mouse.
- What are four things you can hear? Then just list all the things that you can hear.
- What are three things you can feel? Then just notice what are the things that you can feel. For example, right now I can feel my sweater on my skin, I can feel the surface I’m sitting on, I can feel how my feet touch the ground.
- What are two things you can smell? Then just notice what you can smell.
- What is one thing you can taste? Then just say out loud the one thing you can taste.
After you went through that, just check in with yourself again and ask yourself, “How intense is the emotion now?” Usually you may notice a little bit of a shift and the number is going down a bit.
One thing I want to say: if you say the things out loud, just say what you notice, but don’t put any type of emotion around it. So “I see a plant” versus “I see a plant I love very much.” For this grounding exercise, you just say “I see a plant.”
In general, most of my clients find this grounding exercise quite effective. The downside is that it requires that you are present in your body and this can be triggering for some people. How I use it in that context sometimes is that I ask first, “What are five things you can see?” Then I ask, “What are four things you can see that are blue? What are three things that you can see that are round?” So I play a bit around with that so that people don’t need to go that much into their body.
If this tool doesn’t work for you, please note that it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. It just means that it’s not the right tool at the time.
Strategy 3: Go outside
Another practice to navigate hyperarousal is to go outside for a walk and just notice the environment. Notice what you see, notice the sky, notice the smell of the air, notice how the wind feels on your face or anything else you can perceive in your environment.
Going outside can be useful for you if being outside doesn’t increase your level of anxiety. For some people, they have a higher level of anxiety if they are outside than if they are inside, and then it’s not a useful method for grounding.
Practical strategies for hypoarousal: Energizing your nervous system
So now that we’ve touched on the three tools for hyperarousal—which means breathing, the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding and going outside—let’s look at tools for hypoarousal.
Hypoarousal often manifests with symptoms such as numbness, dissociation, fogginess and a sense of disconnection. When we are faced with hypoarousal, the objective is to energize our nervous system and establish a sense of connection. Here are several strategies on how you can achieve this.
Strategy 1: Physical activity
The first one is to engage in physical activity. This can mean doing jumping jacks, it can be push-ups or planks. I really like doing jumping jacks because it works very well for me to revitalize my nervous system and also promotes a sense of connection with my body. The technique depends a little bit on what you feel comfortable with, but really play around with it and find a physical activity that works for you.
Strategy 2: Dance or upbeat music
Another strategy that is useful is to start dancing to upbeat music because the music and the rhythm really help to stimulate our nervous system. Alternatively, if you don’t like dancing, you can just listen to upbeat music.
Strategy 3: Gentle movement
Sometimes if we are in hypoarousal, we feel so down as if we can’t move. So then the question really is, what is the smallest level of energizing your nervous system that you can do? Sometimes it can just be merely getting up and moving around a little bit and not doing jumping jacks or dancing. It may also just involve a short walk or just doing some stretching.
Like for me, what really works well in hypoarousal is if I go for a walk, especially because this gives me a sense of connection with nature.
Applying the techniques: Patience and practice
So now that we’ve touched on the strategies, the next question is: how do we apply them?
First and foremost, it’s essential to acknowledge that we are all unique and what works for one person may not work for another. Sometimes these practices require adjustments to fit your specific context. So please be patient with yourself and also be prepared to repeat these exercises. Also be aware that I just gave you a couple of tools that are out there. There’s a wide variety of different strategies available.
The second thing which is important is that you have patience with yourself and that you repeat the practice. Sometimes tools really work quickly and sometimes you will hardly notice a difference in the beginning.
Just to give you a personal example: I once encountered trauma due to systemic violence and I stayed in hypoarousal for several months and there was no movement in my nervous system.
In the beginning, I felt as if nothing worked because the change was so minimal. However, over time, I just continued the practice and I continued the practice, and I reassessed after six months and after a year. I noticed over this period a really profound improvement in my well-being. This experience really taught me the lesson to not give up.
Therefore, I would invite you to experiment with these techniques, and sometimes it just takes time until they really start working depending on the level of activation we are going through.
The other thing you can keep in mind is that you start these techniques during moments of low activation of your nervous system—which means you’re only slightly out of your window of tolerance or maybe you’re still in your window of tolerance. Because similar to building a muscle, we need to start with a lower intensity first before we can really practice these tools when we have really high levels of activation.
In this, it’s really like mastery comes with practice and we start where it is easy. If you find that a particular practice doesn’t have the desired effect or even makes you feel worse, please understand that it doesn’t imply there’s something wrong with you. It might simply be that this specific practice is not the right fit for your unique healing journey.
Experimenting and customizing are key to discovering what works best for you. So I really would invite you to play with them and also play with different situations and just notice what the difference is for you over time.
I’m now really curious: which one of the strategies that I discussed are you interested in trying out?
Closing: Join our Trauma Demystified community
As a summary, we delved into the concept of the window of tolerance and influences on our window of tolerance in this episode. Additionally, I provided you with practical strategies to effectively navigate hypo- and hyperarousal. I hope that you find this episode valuable.
If you’re interested in receiving a sheet of grounding exercises, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me by sending a message to nat@brighthorizontherapies.com. If you enjoyed this content and believe it could benefit others, I encourage you to share it with a friend or anyone you think may find it useful. Your support helps us reach a broader audience.
Stay tuned for our next episode where we will explore the various stages of recovery from trauma, offering insights and guidance for your journey. Thank you for being a part of our Trauma Demystified community.
I hope you have a beautiful time. See you soon.
Sources
Most formal education in counselling and psychology offers little in-depth training on trauma recovery. Trauma counselling skills are typically developed through additional professional trainings in evidence-based approaches such as EMDR, parts work, and somatic therapies. The following resources informed this article:
Fisher, J. (2023). Janina Fisher’s Trauma treatment certification training (CCTP): The latest proven techniques to resolve deeply held trauma [Online professional training]. PESI
Haines, S. (2022). Safety, belonging, and dignity: Using the generative power of somatics to heal individual and systemic trauma. [Online professional training]. Academy of Therapy Wisdom
Davis, E., & Marchand, J. (2021). Attachment and dissociation assessment and treatment [Online professional training]. R. Cassidey Seminars
Greenwald, R. (2020). EMDR basic training, approved by the EMDR International Association (EMDRIA). [Online professional training]. Trauma Institute & Child Trauma Institute
Vancouver College of Counsellor Training. (2016). Sexual Abuse Counselling Skills [In-person professional training]. Vancouver, BC, Canada.
